I wannas sexs uuuuu
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
