i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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