My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
