This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
