apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
