a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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