Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize