You made me cry and you don't even care
I just pynch a tree in the face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
