I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
