I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
