I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
