I seem to have left my pride at pride
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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