sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
