Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
