In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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