Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
