first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
