I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
