He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize