What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
