I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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