so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
