I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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