You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
