Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
