Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
