there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
