he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
