This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
