How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize