My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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