At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
