I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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