just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
