sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
