don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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