I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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