I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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