Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
