I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
