A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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