Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
