Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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