hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and she was petting her beer can
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
