I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
