Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
