he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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