Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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