my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
