just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
