What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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