just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
