Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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