you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
