i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
