Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
