it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
