Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
