i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So vagazzling was a success
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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