Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
