so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
