I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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