just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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