he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
