I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize