I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
