hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
