Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
