Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is the high leading the old right now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
