Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
