my mouth tastes like poor choices
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
