Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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