Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
