just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
