I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
