This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so let's talk penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
