dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize