I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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