I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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