need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
