i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize