i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
