did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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