ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
