Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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