Fine. I'll sleep in my office
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
