dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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