Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
