one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
