im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
