fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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