You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
