Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
