I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize